theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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