last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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