i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
