Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
