the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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