just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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