Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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