He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
