I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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