so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
