I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
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Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
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Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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