I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
