the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
