you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
