She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
