nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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