Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
