So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
