fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
