I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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