I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
