HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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