this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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