rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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