I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
