I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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