Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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