at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
