we're blogging at a bar
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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