Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do you remember whose house we're in?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
