I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
