Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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