A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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