I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Randomize
