Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am midnight drunk by noon
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
