so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
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We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
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I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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