you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
