Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
