do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
