My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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