You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
