ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
