my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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