kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
