theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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