My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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