I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
