I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
