I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
