booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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