dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
