we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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