you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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