I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
A bitchslap is in order.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
