All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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