The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
