we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
