I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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