you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We had sex on a dog bed..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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