So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Too much gin, very little bucket
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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