eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
