I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
