she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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