I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
