You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
