we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
