Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
