No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
