we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
