I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
