Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
