Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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